I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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