all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
