i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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