Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
