No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
