If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Floor bacon is actually really good
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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