Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
