dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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