I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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