Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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