i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
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Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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