you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
honey bunches of taint.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize