New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
