Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
