Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
