The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
