I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
