thus making me awesome and them whores
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
