so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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