so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
