And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude i'm inner monologue high
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
