your room smells of hookers.
And success
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
