I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
