It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
