The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
