dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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