I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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