i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
barbara walters just said penis...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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