I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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