This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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