she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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