My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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