Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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