i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
