I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
