After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
