I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
