Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
