I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
