What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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