i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
