So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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