seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
