we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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