in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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