Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
