When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.