i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom