I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.