we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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