Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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