life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I fill condoms, not promises.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
