I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
