Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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