do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
