How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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