I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
