You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
