I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
