yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
