just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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