the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
