there's paper in my vomit.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
