So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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